


Incoming Call

by starkind



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, DC Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Drabble, IronBat - Freeform, M/M, Male Slash, One Shot, Sex In A Cave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-05 20:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5389436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkind/pseuds/starkind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why on earth did Bruce give Tony permission to enter the cave at any given chance?<br/>Oh, wait - he didn't.<br/>At some point, Tony simply showed up and did what he was best at: Cause distraction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incoming Call

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another example of what happens when Batsocks and I take texted conversations too far. These usually start with an exchange of certain pics, then there's a whole lot of word-vomit on my part, and in the end I get told to 'Do it. Write the thing.' 
> 
> Well yeah, so I did. Sorrynotsorry ;-)

Bruce without the cowl is pure sex, Tony thinks.

It is why he waits for him down there, in that godawful cave of his, whenever he is in Gotham City. These days, this happens far too often for Pepper's liking. Or for Bruce's, actually, but that's another story. His brusqueness is just magnificent love in disguise, Tony is completely sure.

As soon as his lover hops out of the Bat, Tony can see he is pissed. Nightly patrol must have gone not too well. The thought of a cuddly evening in front of the fire sails out of the window. Except, the cave does not have windows (that would be stupid, Tony reckons), and Bruce NEVER cuddles. So there.

Sometimes, Tony muses, it is a wonder he ever fell for the glum grouch at all, and vice versa, but here they are; dysfunctional, eccentric, and rich as fuck. They are equals, even if their opinions on how to save the world and being a superhero (sorry, _vigilante_ ) differ greatly. Right there and then, Tony's nefarious genius mind decides to go for the kill.

He all but jumps his boyfriend as soon as the latter makes his way over the small walkway from the platform to the huge computer terminal. Stark is determined to steal a kiss out of that sweated appearance, and maybe even more. That black Kevlar always does things to Tony's nether regions. At first, Bruce is uncooperative as hell, trying to swat his lover's groping, wandering hands away.

If anything, Tony is persistent. A Stark, born and bred. Hell would freeze over before he ever backs down from a challenge. And as with many other things, it gets him rewarded in the long run. When Bruce bends him over the computer terminal, Tony is all feral grin as he hears him removing the Kevlar plating. It does not take long until his moans echo through the hollow of the cave soon after.

Tony Stark always was and still is very vocal during sex. For real though, who can blame him? Sex with Bruce is awesome in general; sex with Bruce in the cave is even better. It adds a touch of kinky, darkroom extravaganza to the whole thing. That is when Tony gets a little carried away.

He reaches out to steady himself against the flat surface of the terminal, and it is really only by sheer accident and bad luck that his palm presses down on a couple of buttons which initiate a silent code neither of them notices. The real unfortunate part about this? Their little "recreational activity" also gets broadcasted to their respective team members.

Oh, well.  
  
Accidents like this happen.

Really.

It has not been that long that the Avengers and the JLA are sharing an emergency line. In their short history of staying connected in case of menace, all team members, no matter where they are and what they are doing, now get a severe case of burning ears at the distinctive grunts and moans that echo through the speakers. The reactions are fairly mixed.

Hal Jordan fist pumps along from where he is sitting and watching a rugby game on TV. The game soon gets muted - _this_ is way better. And his money totally is on Bruce in the long run, because team buddies. And who knew the Dark Knight was able of such dirty, dirty language? When he voices his thoughts to his buddy Wally, the Flash all but runs into the wall trying to leave the room.  
  
Clint Barton facepalms throughout the _whole_ encounter. Which takes time. Tony and Bruce have stamina.  
Natasha Romanov simply smirks and raises an appreciative eyebrow. _Men._ Those horny mammals.  
From his spot on the dark green yoga mat, Dr. Banner gets out of his warrior I pose up to make himself some tea.

J'onn J'onzz tries _not_ to make use of his telepathic abilities, fails spectacularly, and phase-shifts away. Clark Kent tries to fight the blush on his cheeks. And does his best to not comment on the equally heartbroken expression on Steve Rogers' face that greets him on screen. No, that was not Captain America's bottom lip that just had trembled. No way. Superman's enhanced vision is likely tainted.

From her homeland, Wonder Woman is still congratulating the two valiant warriors on their most fortuitous coupling, and Thor's booming voice wholeheartedly agrees with her all the way from Asgard. Of course. Carnal sexual activities are seen as a sign of health and virility on other worlds. And Tony and Bruce seem _very_ healthy at the moment.

Nick Fury stands tall, arms akimbo underneath his black leather coat, and scowls along for the longest time as the crescendo culminates in a grande finale, to die down to harsh panting and grunting after. The fact that Amanda Waller records the transmission for later blackmail kind of mollifies Fury a little. Tony Stark, however, simply hacks into her system a day later and deletes it all.  
  
He is kind enough to leave behind some YouTube video of cats humping on top of a car.  
Oh, and some links to his many 'official' sexy time videos.  
If Amanda wants the goods, Tony sure can provide.

Bruce Wayne leads the next JLA vidcon wearing his cowl. Nothing in his stance or the way he speaks betrays him.  
He makes sure to keep matters short and professional. And bans his wanton lover from the cave afterwards.  
Tony Stark takes it like a champ and suggests good, old fashioned phone sex and booty calls instead.  
  
All he gets is a busy tone.


End file.
